3 Simple Steps to Learn How to Love Yourself

by | Sep 11, 2019

Having confidence isn’t a personality trait. It is isn’t if you’re more introvert or extrovert.

I believe, confidence comes from within. It comes from knowing and accepting and loving yourself for exactly the way you are.

From many life lessons, lots of research and from having therapists and coaches help me SO much, I’ve picked up a number of tools and tactics that I use on the regs to keep me feeling confident. And I want to share them with as many people as possible. In hope that you can learn to know, accept and (most importantly) love yourself.

So here are my three steps to learning how to love yourself.

Step 1. What you thinking?

Listen to your thoughts. Listen to what you are saying to yourself.

We say awful things to ourselves all day long. Negative, hurtful, destructive things. Things we wouldn’t dream of saying to another person!

And listening out for them ain’t easy. We say stuff to ourselves so quickly that often we don’t even realise we’ve said it.

I used to undercut myself and beat myself up if I did the tiniest thing that didn’t live up to this “perfect ideal” I measured myself against. Don’t get me wrong, these thoughts haven’t completely gone, but they no longer control me as much as they did. I don’t let them take over my life or hold me back from what I want to do. I used to say nasty things about my body too – brutal, horrible things. And I did it so often, it just became habitual, normal even.

So step one, is to listen to your thoughts and what you’re saying to yourself. Bring the control and power back to you – not empowering your unhelpful thoughts. Every time you hear yourself say something that you don’t like, something that you don’t want to believe, stop it in it’s tracks and replace it with an “anchor thought”. Something you do want to believe.

For example, if you always say to yourself how you hate your stomach. And you’ve decided you’re tired of hating your stomach and your body. All this hate and self-loathing isn’t serving you for the better. You want to feel good about how you look. Or maybe it’s impacting your relationship with your partner, or how you act and behave at work. This hate of your stomach has led to a massive lack of confidence. 

Every time you hear yourself commenting on your body or your stomach in any negative way. Hear it. Then replace it with a new, healthier, more positive anchor thought. (Even if you don’t actually believe this new thought yet). So it might be that you see your reflection, feel hugely bloated and say to yourself “I hate my stomach, I always look so huge, bloated and distorted”. Hear it. And replace it with “I love my stomach, and all my body can do”.

It’s simple enough to do – but this is challenging and can take a lotta practice.

Step 2. Who do you spend time with?

There are people in life that will fan your flames. And others who will piss on your fire.

If you spend time with people who put themselves down all the time, you will also find yourself doing this. If you share you’re time with people who pull you down or drain you of energy, you’ll inevitably feel depleted and low in confidence.

Who you allow in your bubble is SUPER important. You want to fuel your environment with uplifting, energising, loving people. People who make your life so much more enjoyable and fun. People who make you feel good about yourself. I use my pole classes as a space to spend time with uplifting, badass types – this works really well for me.

Your time is precious. You are precious. Protect it.

(This includes social media – fill it with happy, loving, healthy things. Not accounts/people that make you feel shitty about yourself.)

Step 3. Say, believe, rinse, repeat

On some weeks, you feel like you’re growing in confidence and on other days someone will say something that seems to undo it all. They pressed that button and your confidence seems to unravel and completely shatter.

And when that happens. We brush ourselves off. Stand up. And start back at step one and step two (step two is especially helpful with these scenarios).

By repeating steps one and two, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again (I think you get the idea this takes lots of consistent practice!) it will change your life. You’ll be re-wiring your brain. Getting rid of the old, negative things you say and replacing them with more positive, healthier, happier ones.

You’ll notice differences… a change in wardrobe, a brighter outlook, a fuller more fulfilling life.


Here’s to more confidence, love and happiness💕 

1 Comment

  1. Shannon Holland-Houghton

    This is great, thank you for sharing Becky! I start each morning listing three things I’m grateful for to lift my mood and prepare me for the day ahead, and then once I’m feeling bright, I list three things I like about myself. Physically that day, maybe a top I’ve picked out, how I’ve done my hair, but also examples such as ‘You gave your seat up for that lady yesterday’ or ‘You helped your neighbour carry the shopping upstairs’ or ‘You are a brilliant Auntie’.

    When I start hearing negative thoughts in my head, a good technique I try is thinking back to when I was five years old. I visualise myself in my head. I pick this age or an age around this number because I feel like at that age, I was care free, confident and I would attempt anything and that’s because I haven’t got into a rut yet of negative thoughts. Just an innocent five year old. I then take whatever I’m saying to myself now, and think what would I think or say if someone spoke to them how I speak to myself now? If they were being critical or impatient. I then remind mysel I’m still the same person (albeit taller and more experienced!) but I still have the exact same love and need for love and care. And it’s a reminder to treat myself with the same compassion I’d treat a five year old self or other child. If I had a daughter, what things would I want her to hear? Would I want her to worry about her figure or ‘not being good enough’, or would I want her to see all her strengths and beauty – inner and outer!


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